Lost in the Woods
by somethingrandom
Summary: Somehow, when the four friends from The Princess Bride run away from the prince, they end up in the Enchanted Forest. Kind of cute, I don't know. RR plz
1. Princess in Trouble

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters from The Princess Bride or the Enchanted Forest Chronicles. They belong to S. Morgenstern and Patricia C. Wrede, respectively.  
  
**A/N:** Another crazy idea given life late at night........enjoy!!

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**Lost in the Woods**  
  
Westley, Buttercup, Fezzik, and Inigo had been riding for days. Inigo's wounds were reopening, and Westley kept slipping into unconsciousness for long periods of time. In her dim little brain, Buttercup was beginning to worry.  
  
"I mean, what if Humperdinck catches up to us?" she asked Fezzik nervously, watching Westley out of the corner of her eye. He looked pale.  
  
"We get out of town on the nearest bus!" The giant rhymed, looking just as worried.  
  
"We need to stop somewhere where we can get rest and healing."  
  
Fezzik pulled a little packet out of his shirt. "Will this help?"  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Miracle Max gave it to me. He said it would give us rest and shelter when we needed it most." He frowned. "Post," he added as an afterthought.  
  
"WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING BEFORE?!"  
  
"Erg. I was saving it for when our luck was poor."  
  
"Fezzik, Inigo and my beloved Westley are dying. D-Y-E-I-N! Our luck is definitely poor."  
  
He shrugged and tossed her the package. She opened it and looked at the sparkly powder inside. "Ooooooh......" She slapped herself lightly. "Focus, Buttercup." A note in Miracle Max's nearly indecipherable handwriting lay at the bottom and she unfolded it carefully.  
  
_Throw the powder in the air and say 'Argelfraster'_.  
  
"Well, that's simple. Argelfraster!"  
  
A whirl of swirly sparkles came over the four companions—and their horses—and carried them away. Buttercup's voice could be heard dimly from the center of the action....  
  
....."Pretty sparkles! 


	2. Ew Princess

**A/N:** Ok here's where the characters from The Princess Bride get dropped in the middle of the Enchanted Forest. As readers of these books can tell us, Queen Cimorene isn't very fond of princesses, especially ones as stupid as Buttercup.

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The king and queen of the Enchanted Forest were at that moment in time gardening in their backyard. Suddenly there was a whoosh and a rain of sparkles and four riders appeared. Queen Cimorene brushed glitter off her tunic and said without getting up, "If you are princes or knights, leave us alone. If you are wizards, I have a bucket of soapy water with your name on it."  
  
"Soapy water sounds _heavenly_ right now!" A feminine voice exclaimed. "I haven't had a bath since I broke up with Prince Humperdinck!"  
  
Queen Cimorene and King Mendanbar looked up. Cimorene wrinkled her nose. "Ew. A princess." She was staring at an incredibly beautiful girl with blonde hair and empty blue eyes.  
  
"Yes, well...sort of. I actually became honorary princess of Hammersmith some months ago but since the engagement is broken I rather suspect I'm just a milkmaid again." She looked around curiously. "Oh dear. Fezzik, we are definitely not in Florin anymore."  
  
"What are you doing here?"  
  
"Don't worry, there's nothing to fear." One man said. Mendanbar looked up. And up. And up.  
  
"Good God man, are you a giant?"  
  
The man frowned. "Hey."  
  
"Er, sorry. You just took me by surprise. Who are you people and what are you doing in my forest?"  
  
Buttercup sniffed, but before she could speak a blonde man behind her cut in. "I am Westley, more recently known as the Dread Pirate Roberts, and these are my companions; Inigo Montoya," he indicated a dark-skinned man who appeared to be passed out and bleeding from the gut and shoulders, "Fezzik," the giant, "And my lovely bride-to-be Buttercup." The blonde girl.  
  
Buttercup gave a big gasp of surprise and turned her vacant eyes on Westley. "OH! My darling Westley! You're alive! Thank God! I never could have _lived _without you!"  
  
Cimorene made gagging noises. Mendanbar interrupted the happy reunion—which involved some scandalous kissing—with a; "Yes, but what are you doing here?"  
  
"Well," said Westley, pulling his tongue out of Buttercup's throat, "before I passed out myself we were escaping from Buttercup's jilted fiancé Prince Humperdinck and riding along the ravine. I thought we were headed toward the Fire Swamp, but I must have been mistaken. I don't see any R.O.U.S.'s."  
  
"Any whats?" Mendanbar asked, confused.  
  
"Well, sweetums," The princess—er, milkmaid—broke in, "while you were out, so to speak, Fezzik here revealed he had a powder from Miracle Max that would take us to a safe place."  
  
"Here?"  
  
"Well, it is pretty quiet."  
  
The king and queen were royally lost.  
  
Cimorene snorted. "The Enchanted Forest? Safe? What plant are you smoking?"  
  
Mendanbar nodded in agreement. "You're just lucky you landed in front of us. We're the only two people in the forest than can manage its tricky magic."  
  
Just then a large, blue, winged donkey passed by them, floating six inches above the ground. The six stared for a moment, then returned to the conversation.  
  
"I'm sorry to impose, but do you suppose we could stay for a while?" Westley asked, giving his most charming smile. Cimorene batted her eyelashes at him while pretending to think. Mendanbar glared at his wife, then at the handsome pirate.  
  
"I don't know about that," he growled, wishing he was wearing his good circlet, the one that made him look kingly and imposing.  
  
Cimorene gasped. "Mendanbar! We can't turn away guests." She smiled at Westley.  
  
Buttercup let out a sound that was nearly a growl too. "I'm not sure either."  
  
Fezzik took a look at his unconscious friend. "Er. Please?" He was so hassled he forgot to rhyme. Inigo's wounds were serious.

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**A/N:** Okay I'm officially stuck. Anyone with plot ideas gets virtual brownie points. Also, I'm offering a thousand virtual brownie points to whoever can give me the name of the blue donkey, one of my favorite Enchanted Forest inhabitants.  
  
By the way, VBPs are good for buying.......air. Virtual air. 


	3. Princess MIA

**A/N:** Thank you guys for the reviews...your plot ideas were the jump I needed!!!!! Sweet Saturn and Me Gusta Books—you each get VBPs. Enjoy. (And honestly, I can't remember the name of the wizard who gets stuck with Killer's donkeyness at the end either. I just adore Killer.)  
  
And now, on with the story!!

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Mendanbar looked at Inigo's wounds and sighed. "Sure then. We'll have some guest rooms made up for you. Our friend Morwen can look at your friend's injuries."  
  
"She is a healer? Like Miracle Max?" Fezzik asked anxiously.  
  
"Well, I don't know about this Max guy, but Morwen is a witch."  
  
"A what?" Buttercup cried, eyes wide with fear. She didn't like things that were out of the ordinary.  
  
Unfortunately for her, Kazul chose this time to arrive. The air stirred and wind tangled the princess's hair as an enormous shape blocked out the sky. Huge wings beat the air as the shape landed in the middle of the garden.  
  
"Kazul!" Cimorene yelled. "My plants!"  
  
"Oh, sorry, Cimorene." Kazul's head bent down and surveyed the damage. "Did I really harm anything?"  
  
"EEEEEEEKKKKKK!!!!" Buttercup screamed in belated terror and fainted. Westley caught her with a strangled 'oof' as she fell off her horse.  
  
"Um...is that a dragon?" he asked, watching the newcomer warily.  
  
"Yes. I am. Who are they?" Kazul asked, returning the look with open curiosity.  
  
"Kazul, this is Westley, Fezzik, Buttercup, and Inigo. They're looking for a place to stay while Inigo recovers. People, this is Kazul, king of the dragons."  
  
"Pleased to meet you, sir," said Westley with a smile.  
  
Kazul snorted out a bit a steam in his face. "Ma'am, actually."  
  
"But—"  
  
"Don't ask. That's just how it works." Mendanbar cut short the question and turned his attention to the dragon. "What's up, Kazul? We weren't expecting you to visit until next week."  
  
"Morwen is missing. She was supposed to come over for dinner last night and she didn't show up. I went by her house this morning, but she wasn't there. The cats are frantic!"  
  
Cimorene paled. "Are you sure? What did the cats say?"  
  
"None of them were making much sense. Trouble said something about wizards, and that's all."  
  
"All right. Let's go to Morwen's and see if we can figure out what's going on." She looked at the four travelers (two of them now unconscious) and sighed. "You three should come with us. We'll get your friend in a bed to rest before we leave."

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An hour later, they were once again standing in front of the castle. The horses had been stabled and Inigo was passed out in a guest room. Buttercup had awoken, been enlightened of the situation, and was still frightened out of whatever wits she had. Cimorene paced up and down in front of them like a drill sergeant.  
  
"People, this is an important recovery mission. There is potential danger, and those stupid wizards are involved." She whirled to face them on. "And you know what that means."  
  
"Buckets," Mendanbar said with a nod.  
  
"Buckets?" Westley asked, confused.  
  
Cimorene gave each of them a large wooden bucket filled with soapy water. They smelled of lemon and Westley looked dubiously into his.  
  
"How will this help us?"  
  
"Everyone knows wizards are melted by soapy water," Kazul said. Then she grinned evilly, revealing rows of giant, pointy teeth. "They also burn very well."  
  
"Kazul. No burning, eating, or dismembering wizards, okay?" Cimorene reprimanded. She clapped her hands. "Ready everyone? Buckets? Let's go!"  
  
Suddenly Buttercup raised a timid hand. "Um. These buckets are awfully heavy..."  
  
Westley quickly picked up her bucket. "Don't worry, sweetheart, I'll carry it for you." They stared into each other's eyes lovingly.  
  
"Oh, for goodness—" Cimorene clapped her hands again, right in front of their faces. They jumped and looked at her guiltily. "Hello? Morwen? Missing? Needs help?"  
  
"Lead on, your majesty."  
  
"Cimorene."  
  
And so they set off towards Morwen's cottage. It wasn't a long walk, at least not with Mendanbar carefully manipulating strings of the forest's magic to make sure it was a straight path. When they arrived, the king and queen were surprised to find all of Morwen's assorted cats in front, yowling and crying. They stopped when they saw Kazul and ran to her, jumping on her head and back and tail. Trouble was right next to her eye, mewing intensely.  
  
"What is he saying?"  
  
Kazul listened. "He says a wizard came and took her away before she had a chance to grab the bucket she keeps by the stove. He took her out through the door, but it didn't open up here."  
  
"He manipulated her door?"  
  
"Somehow."  
  
"How now?" Fezzik asked. Mendanbar took that as a query for explanation.  
  
"Morwen's door can open up to different places. Her library, the garden, pretty much wherever she wants. But a wizard shouldn't have been able to make it work."  
  
"Maybe we can, though," Westley suggested. "If we want it to take us where the wizard took her?"  
  
"Good idea." Cimorene smiled at him meltingly. Her husband glared at him. "Kazul, you stay here and make sure no wizards are hanging around. Try to avoid killing them, though. Just scare them off."  
  
Kazul nodded, nearly dislodging Trouble. The others trooped inside and stood in front of the door. Cimorene opened it and looked outside. She was gazing at trees, dark and tall.  
  
"It's the edge of the Enchanted Forest, up towards the north. There's less magic here." Mendanbar frowned. "The wizards must have taken her out of the forest, at its weak spot."  
  
Cimorene strode into the trees, and the others reluctantly followed. "They probably just went straight. Mendanbar, now that we're closer can you do a locating spell?"  
  
"Not if they went out of the forest, but I can try." He concentrated, and a few moments later they saw a clearing appear before them. Morwen sat in it, along with two wizards. She was bound and gagged, her ginger hair falling around her shoulders and her eyes shooting bloody murder at her captors.  
  
"She's still in the forest!" Cimorene cried happily. "Come on, we have to get her!" She began to race through the trees. Mendanbar caught up to her and stopped her rush.  
  
"Slowly, sweetheart. We still don't know how to get to them and it wouldn't be a good idea to announce our presence too quickly." They waited for the others and then moved on, carefully this time.  
  
Just as the king and queen were getting the feeling that their friend was close, a scream came from behind them. They all looked back to where Buttercup had lagged behind the others.  
  
She was gone.

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**A/N:** Review it. Come on. You know you want to. 


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